Well, I guess it was back in '63, When eatin' my cookin' got the better of me. So I asked this little girl I was goin' with to be my wife. She said she would, so I said "I do" But I'd have said, "I wouldn't", if I'd just knew How sayin' "I do" was gonna screw up all of my life.
Well, the first few years weren't all tha bad. I'll never forget the good times we had. 'Cause I'm reminded every month when I send her the child support. Well, it wasn't too long 'til the lust all died, and I'll admit I wasn't too surprised, When I come home and found my suitcase sittin' out on the porch. Well, I tried to get in, she'd changed the locks. Then, I found a note taped on the mailbox that said, "Goodbye, Turkey. My attorney will be in touch". So I decided, right then & there. I was gonna do what's right: give her her fair share. But, brother, I didn't know her share was gonna be that much.
She got the gold mine. I got the shaft. They split it right down the middle, and they give her the better half. Well it all sounds sorta funny, but it hurts too much to laugh. She got the gold mine. I got the shaft.
Now listen, you ain't heard nothin' yet! Why, they give her the color television set, Then they give her the house, the kids, and both of the cars. Then they started talkin' about child support, alimony, and the cost of the court. Didn't take long to figure out how far in the toilet I was. I'm tellin' ya, they have made a mistake, 'Cause it adds up to more than this cowboy makes. Besides, everything I've had worth taken, they've already took. While she's livin' like a queen on alimony, I'm workin' two shifts & eatin' bologny, Askin' myself, "Why didn't you just learn how to cook?!"
They give her the gold mine. They give me the shaft. They said they's splittin' it all down the middle, and she got the better half. Well, it all sounds mighty funny, but it hurts too much to laugh, She got the gold mine. I got the shaft.
She got the gold mine. I got the shaft. They split it right down the middle, and they give her the better half. Well, I guess it all sounds funny, but it hurts too much to laugh. She got the gold mine. I got the shaft.
(spoken) I got your shaft. Well, I don't have to worry about totin' a billfold, no more. I let my wife tote it; I'm gonna be carryin' food stamps. You get it, judge? oh wait, That's not funny, huh? Judge? Contempt of court?! what you mean...Judge...